


The Color Yellow

by FadedRiddler



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21847669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FadedRiddler/pseuds/FadedRiddler
Summary: And now here they are, standing in Snow’s apartment, with an engagement ring on Emma’s finger. Regina tries to be happy, tries to at least look happy, but she fails, so she pulls Emma into a hug before she can cry. Emma smells like cinnamon and her body is warm, and that’s when she realizes that she, Regina Mills, is completely and hopelessly in love with Emma Swan.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 8
Kudos: 180





	The Color Yellow

Regina Mills was completely and hopelessly in love with Emma Swan.

She had always thought that she’d never be able to find love again – because, after all, Daniel had been her one True Love. But then Henry had run away and brought back his birth mother, and god, Regina had no idea she’d be so damn attractive.

They had fought viciously over Henry, and Regina had loved every second of it. Emma Swan was a woman who, unlike everyone else in Regina’s life, was not afraid of her. Emma saw the challenge in Regina’s eyes every time they spoke and always rose to meet it with equal fierceness. No one had ever made Regina feel the way Emma did – so alive, like the only times Regina didn’t feel numb was when she was with Emma. And damn, if it didn’t make her want to shove Emma against a wall and kiss her until her lips were bruised.

What she felt for Emma was lust at first, but it slowly turned into something more, something deep. Emma had saved her over and over again, first from Whale, then from the wraith, and finally from the darkness, and the woman believed in Regina like she was a religion and Emma was a devout follower. Emma stood by her, through thick and thin, and as much as Regina denied it, she was falling for Henry’s birth mother.

And then Hook came along. The pirate had thrown himself at Emma, flirting with her every chance he got, and Regina wanted to rip his heart out and shove it down his throat. The worst thing was, Emma was welcoming his advances, and while Regina was no stranger to heartbreak, it felt like someone was squeezing her throat every time she looked at the two of them. She knew Hook wouldn’t last long though, as no one was really a big fan of him, and Regina knew that Emma would pick her family over him. She eagerly awaited his broken heart when Emma broke it off between them.

But then the Charming's grew to like him. And Regina was alone in her dark pit of misery, forcing herself to look at the smile on Emma’s face whenever she was with Hook, forcing herself to look at how happy she could never make the other woman.

And now here they are, standing in Snow’s apartment, with an engagement ring on Emma’s finger. Regina tries to be happy, tries to at least look happy, but she fails, so she pulls Emma into a hug before she can cry. Emma smells like cinnamon and her body is warm, and that’s when she realizes that she, Regina Mills, is completely and hopelessly in love with Emma Swan.

***

There’s a knock on Regina’s door and she takes a deep breath before answering it. It’s Snow and Emma, the latter not looking anything like herself. She has on a black shirt decorated with red and purple flowers, and a hollow look in her eyes. Regina misses the old Emma, the one who strutted around in the red leather jackets, with fire so clearly burning in her.

“Snow. Always a pleasure,” Regina bites out and reluctantly steps to the side to let them enter.

“I hope we aren’t bothering you,” Emma says. She looks thinner, like she hasn’t eaten in days, and her green eyes are dull.

“Do you need something?” Regina asks dismissively. The sooner Emma is out of her house, the better. Then she can go back to drinking the pain away.

Snow holds up a binder that Regina hadn’t seen when they’d walked in. “Wedding plans!” she says, and Regina thinks she catches a hint of bitterness. Or perhaps Regina is just hoping. “The wedding is happening in about a month, so we need to get started.”

Regina turns toward Emma, who doesn’t exactly look happy. “About a month?” Regina repeats. In only a month, she will lose Emma.

“My days are numbered, Regina,” Emma says, like Regina needs reminding. The Savior’s impending doom has kept Regina awake a number of nights, imagining a world without Emma Swan, a world without Henry’s other mother, a world without the person she and her son love with all their heart. “Killian and I thought it’d be best to just get married as quickly as possible.” The corners of Emma’s mouth turn up, like she’s trying to force a smile. Regina swallows roughly. Daniel’s death was heartbreaking, but planning Emma’s wedding to someone else is pain on a whole new level.

“Pink flowers, mom? Really?” Emma says when they’ve finally sat down at the dining room table and opened Snow’s binder, and Regina almost loses it. It’s obvious what’s happening here: Snow is trying to recreate her wedding to David. Maybe Snow even hopes Regina will ruin it, too. The thought, while ridiculous, is enough to make Regina question if Snow is happy for Emma. Maybe Snow thinks that if the wedding is dressed up enough, it’ll somehow make Emma’s marriage to the filthy pirate better, easier even. Or maybe that’s just Regina.

“Well, Regina, what do you think?” Snow is staring at her expectantly, and Regina digs her fingernails into her palms. She can’t do this. She needs to kick them out. Maybe if Regina avoids Emma forever she’ll be able to get over her. But she can’t do that to Henry.

“What about yellow?” she offers hoarsely. Clearing her throat, she then adds: “Emma likes yellow.” Emma stares at her, almost looking shocked, like she can’t believe Regina had remembered. Regina looks away. She had never liked yellow. It was bold and flashy, and just too bright. But if Emma Swan were a color, she would be yellow, full of sunshine and hope.

Snow beams and scribbles down a note on the page with the flowers. “Yellow it is,” Snow muses and turns the page.

“Regina, do you mind if I go make some coffee?” Emma asks tentatively, like she’s scared Regina will say no.

“There’s hot chocolate mix in the top right cabinet, too,” Regina tells her. Emma leaves, and Regina hopes she will come back with hot chocolate with cinnamon sprinkled on top, just to prove that the old Emma is still in there somewhere.

“What do you think, Regina?” Snow asks and slides the binder over to her. She takes one look and her throat constricts and her heart stops. Pictures of wedding dresses and different samples of fabric cover the pages, and it’s enough to push Regina over the edge. Seeing this has made it real. Emma is marrying Hook. Regina will have to call Emma Mrs. Jones.

“Regina, are you okay?” Snow questions softly. Regina takes in a shaky breath and plasters a smile to her face. It’s the fakest smile she’s ever worn.

“I just remembered, I have to be somewhere,” Regina lies. “All of these are lovely, I’m sure Emma will look beautiful in all of them.” Her voice wobbles and a tear slips out and runs down her face. She can’t stop picturing Emma walking down the aisle in these dresses.

Snow’s eyes widen. “Oh my god, Regina,” she says, and Regina knows that she knows. “Why haven’t you said anything?” This is the second time that Snow has found out who Regina loves. History has a way of repeating itself, especially for Regina. She has lost so many people that she’s loved, but she can’t lose Emma.

“Don’t,” Regina tells her, pinning her with a glare, swiping at the tears on her face. “Tell Emma I’ll see her when I drop Henry off later.” Regina walks out of the dining room and is met with Emma, walking from the kitchen, a cup of coffee in hand.

“Regina, what are you doing?” Emma curiously looks at her, but Regina walks past her and out the front door.

***

Regina is standing in the middle of a bridal shop, with Snow and Ruby. Emma’s inside a dressing room, trying on the fifth gown of the day. Every time Emma comes out, Snow glances at Regina, as if she’s begging Regina to tell her daughter how she feels.

“I’m happy for her,” Regina mutters to Snow for what seems like the tenth time since they arrived at the store. Maybe if Regina can convince Snow, she’ll start to believe it herself.

But no matter how many times Regina says it, she still struggles to fight with the Evil Queen part of her, that’s screaming at her to stop the wedding. It would be so easy to tear Hook’s heart out and crush it, but she knows Emma would hate her forever.

Emma comes out of the dressing room, and Regina’s breath catches. Emma looks stunning. She’s wearing an off-the-shoulder gown, that’s long, with lace at the bottom of it. Emma may not look like herself, but at least she looks dazzling.

“Emma, you look beautiful,” Snow whispers. Emma meets Regina’s eyes, and Regina smiles her first real smile in days.

“I think this is the one,” Emma says at Regina’s nod of approval. She steps back into the dressing room, and it’s only a few seconds later when she calls out for Snow.

Snow White turns to Regina and tilts her head to the dressing room. Regina narrows her eyes and shakes her head. Snow nods and walks away, leaving Regina practically fuming.

“Um, are you going to help, or should I?” Ruby asks, and Regina huffs in defeat.

“I got it,” Regina tells her and walks in. “Your mom went to the bathroom,” Regina explains to Emma.

“I can’t reach the zipper,” Emma says and Regina walks over to her with trembling hands. She unzips the dress slowly, her knuckles brushing against Emma’s bare skin. Emma shivers and Regina looks up to catch Emma’s eyes in the mirror. The black circles under Emma’s eyes starkly contrasts the paleness of her skin, and her once fluffy, bright hair has lost it’s usual luster. Her face seems thinner and doesn’t have the glow that it used to, and Regina realizes just how unhealthy the blonde woman looks.

“Emma, are you okay?” Regina asks carefully. She’s trying to tread cautiously on the subject of Emma’s happiness, because she doesn’t want her feelings to be dragged into this.

“What do you mean?” Emma says, chewing on her lip. Regina can’t help but wonder again if Emma is just doing this to make Hook happy. If Emma feels responsible for his happiness, if Emma is giving him his happy ending at the sake of her own. But what if Emma is genuinely happy?

“Are you happy?” she croaks.

Emma frowns. “I’m marrying the man I love,” she says, but the words sound empty, even to Regina.

“But are you happy?” Regina repeats, more forcefully this time. “Will marrying Hook make you happy?” Emma looks like she doesn’t understand the definition of the word happy.

“He loves me. I love him,” Emma states. “Did my mother put you up to this? Why are you asking me if I’m happy?”

“Because, Miss Swan, you certainly don’t look happy,” Regina snaps. Emma flinches at the title. “You don’t have to do this just to make him happy,” Regina says softly. “You deserve to be happy, too.”

Emma’s eyes harden. “Just because you don’t have a happy ending doesn’t mean you get to question mine,” she retorts sharply, and it’s like a knife to the chest. Regina turns on her heel and storms out of the dressing room before she can hear Emma call her name.

***

Two days later, Emma shows up, knocking on her door. She flies past Regina into the foyer, ranting about how she is happy.

“Did you come here just to rub it in my face that you’re marrying the man you love?” Regina asks bitterly, the words that Emma said still stinging.

“I came here to tell you that I am happy. Marrying Hook will make me happy,” Emma tells her.

“That’s wonderful, Miss. Swan,” Regina says sarcastically, using Miss. Swan again as a way to distance herself emotionally.

“I am happy,” Emma says through clenched teeth. Regina sees a piece of the old Emma resurfacing, and she latches onto it.

“Are you trying to convince me, or convince yourself? Because it sounds like you don’t even believe it,” Regina responds coldly. Emma flushes with color and it’s the most alive Regina’s seen the other woman in years.

“Why can’t you just let this be, hmm? Why can’t you just be happy for me? It seems like everyone is happy but you!” Emma snaps back.

“Hook doesn’t deserve you, Emma! You’re far too good for him,” Regina says, echoing what she said in the Underworld.

“My parents want to see me happy, Regina. I could die any day now, I owe this to them,” Emma says. “And you say Hook doesn’t deserve me, but then who does? He loves me.”

“Is that what this is about? You’re having an impromptu wedding to a guy who you don’t truly love to make your parents happy?” Regina asks, and Emma doesn’t meet her eyes. “Emma -”

“You don’t think he deserves me. Who does?”

“Your family! Henry! All the people who actually care about you!” Regina’s fighting back tears now, but she won’t break. She can’t break down.

Don’t break down, her mind whispers to her.

Don’t break down.

Don’t break down.

“Hook cares about me,” Emma says slowly. Regina closes her eyes tightly, but can’t stop a tear from escaping. She can’t take it anymore, so she looks at Emma through her blurry vision.

“Not like I do,” Regina sobs, finally breaking down. “Emma, I love you. Ever since the night Henry brought you home and you walked up with that swagger and that ugly red jacket. You make me feel so alive, and I love you so much it hurts.” And then Emma’s crying too, her hands cupping Regina’s cheeks, and she presses her mouth to Regina’s. Regina kisses back, tasting the salty mix of tears that stream together on their lips. Emma weakly laughs and Regina just kisses her harder. She has never felt like this before, and she never wants to stop.

When they finally break apart to breathe, Regina sees no regret in Emma’s eyes. She goes in for another kiss, but is stopped by Emma’s hand on her chest.

“Regina,” Emma says. “I can’t.” She straightens up and wipes the tears from her cheeks. Regina just stares at her. “I’m getting married,” Emma reminds her, and Regina’s face falls.

She doesn’t move until Emma leaves the house, vaguely aware of the silence that fills the room. All she can do is drop to the floor, curl up in a ball, and cry until she’s out of tears.

***

The house is quiet when Henry gets home that night. He calls out for Regina, but there is no answer.

He checks room after room, until he finally finds her in the study, staring at the fireplace.

“Mom?” Henry asks, his stomach dropping. He walks closer to her, but stops, when glass crunches beneath his shoes. Pieces of a wine glass are laying on the floor, with the rest of the shattered glass clenched in Regina’s fist. Even though her hand is bloody, there is nothing written on Regina’s face, almost like the pain hasn’t registered. “Mom?” he repeats, and gently pries open her fist. She looks up at him, like she doesn’t remember who he is. He wraps his arms around her, and Regina grabs his shirt and cries.

***

It’s the day of the wedding, and Regina wants to die. The memory of the stolen kiss has replayed over and over again until it’s all she can think about.

There was a moment where Regina had actually thought that Emma had chosen her, but it was Robin and Marian all over again. She hadn’t been good enough for Robin to choose her, why would Emma be any different?

And now she’s supposed to go watch Emma get married to someone she can’t stand.

Yeah, right, she thinks to herself. She’ll just say she’s sick, or something. All she knows is that she cannot bear to see Emma walk down the aisle.

And then the text from Snow comes in. Where are you??? Regina doesn’t even text back, she just throws her phone onto the couch.

A few minutes later, there’s a knock on the door. Over the past month, it seems like all the Charming's have done is knock on her door. She’s so tired of it.

“Regina!” exclaims Snow as soon as she opens the door. Regina winces. She’s a bit hungover from last night, when she tried to drown her feelings in all the liquor from her wine closet. “The wedding is starting in thirty minutes and Ashley bailed on being a bridesmaid. Her baby is sick, or something. Emma told me to get you.” At the mention of Henry’s other mother, Regina feels physically sick to her stomach.

“I can’t,” Regina flatly tells Snow. Why would Emma want her there? This must be a last attempt from Snow to get Emma to call off the wedding. A cruel attempt, at the expense of Regina’s own feelings. “I told Emma how I felt. She chose Hook.” Saying things out loud usually makes them real, but instead, Regina can’t feel anything.

“Oh, Regina,” Snow says, and pulls Regina into a hug. “She loves you too, you know. She just doesn’t realize it.” Regina can’t tell if Snow’s trying to make her feel better, but it still doesn’t change that fact that Emma didn’t choose her.

“I’ll go to the wedding, but I won’t be a bridesmaid,” Regina says finally, pulling out of Snow’s embrace. Snow smiles softly.

The ride to the venue is torture for Regina. Snow keeps looking over at her, with puppy dog eyes, and Regina wants to strangle her for it. By the time they arrive, Regina is ready to go back home. She shouldn’t be here. Yet, some part of her wants her to suffer, and that same part of her is the reason she forces her feet to take her inside.

“Regina?” Emma says in an awed whisper when Regina walks in. Emma’s wearing the dress from the shop, and she looks beautiful. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“Your mom somehow convinced me,” Regina tells her, and looks to Snow, who leaves them alone. Emma smiles, and it’s a real smile.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Emma says softly. “I was just about to walk down the aisle.” An unspoken question lingers in the air: are you going to stop me? Regina imagines that Emma would ask it in a hopeful tone.

“I’m happy for you,” Regina says, because she is done fighting. She lost Daniel, her father, Robin, and now she will lose Emma. What’s one more person she’s loved gone? The only difference is, they are all dead and there is nothing Regina can do to bring them back. But Regina has had a taste of Emma, had a taste of what it’s like to have Emma love her back, but here she is, marrying someone else.

Emma’s eyes fill with tears as she says two words that stop Regina’s heart: “I’m not.”

“But you will be,” Regina says, because there is no other response to give. This is Emma’s wedding day, and Regina is not the same person as she was when she ruined Emma’s parents’ wedding.

“Emma? It’s time,” David says, entering the room. Regina offers Emma a small smile, hands her a yellow rose, and leaves to go home.

The next time Regina sees Emma is when she will be Emma Jones.

***

Regina stares at the clock on her bedside table. 5:00 blinks back at her and Regina knows Emma and Hook are at Granny’s right now, for the wedding reception. She sighs, and heads downstairs in hopes of finding something to eat. She turns the corner into the kitchen and almost screams.

Emma Swan is sitting at the table, a bottle of whiskey and a yellow rose in front of her.

“Emma, what are you doing?” Regina asks. Emma is still in her wedding dress, but her hair isn’t in the same up-do from this morning. “Shouldn’t you be at Granny’s for the reception?”

Emma laughs bitterly and traces the rose with a finger. “Can’t have a wedding reception when the wedding never happened.” Regina’s heart soars with hope.

“What do you mean, the wedding never happened?” Emma looks up and meets Regina’s eyes.

“You were right,” Emma says. “I agreed to marry Hook because I thought it’s what my parents wanted for me. And he loved me, and I knew I didn’t love him, but I’m the Savior, and it’s my job to give everyone happy endings, and I was his. It all just felt so wrong, you know? Like I guess I felt safe with him, but there was never a spark. But with you, it’s like there’s a fire between us. I love you, Regina, and I think I always have. Ever since the day we met.”

They’re both crying, and it’s like the night Regina told Emma about her feelings, except now it’s Emma pouring out her heart, and Regina will never not choose her.

“I love you too, Emma,” Regina sobs and kisses her and tangles her fingers into Emma’s blonde hair. Emma pulls her into a hug, and Regina never wants to let go.

***

The color yellow symbolizes hope, happiness, courage, warmth, and energy.

When Regina kisses Emma, she tastes the color yellow.

She had never liked the color that much, but now, with Emma’s hand in hers, it's her favorite color.


End file.
